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January 5, 2020
As Christmas break ends, I find myself experiencing the same emotions I always feel when the weekend ends: a sense of sadness. I never understand how some parents are like âOmg, schools take these kids back.â I understand being frustrated and trust me, the summer can sometimes, be well, challenging, especially since I single parent it now for at least four days, which is fine. Once I got a routine, it was a lot easier to adjust, so I get experiences the overwhelming emotions parenting has, but never once, even in boredom, or exasperation do I wish for its end. It brings sadness, like having to choose between my children and my job, and while most days I enjoy my job and find meaning, I experience the sadness of knowing I wonât see my own kids for most of the day, nor my husband for that matter ( things are not only easier when he is there, but damn they are more fun as well), and I donât understand wishing for it to end quicker, especially this short of a Christmas break we have. I was sick for half of it, but I still wouldnât want it to rush by. I get one moment, one instance for my kids to be young and to get to experience life with them. Why do I want that to end? These are my best moments, my favorite moments. I want to be outside and playing soccer with my boys. I want to watch movies with Jackson and cook with AJ. I want coffee conversations with Drew, and I want more of them. I want more space, and one more child, and I want the craziness, and the loud noises of hot wheels crashing, the laughter and the cuddling and all the mess that comes along with life. I do not necessarily want more, but I want to experience all that I have and not put limits on the experienced we can have, both joyful and sometimes sorrowful. I want our life to be just that, a life nor a job that takes all that over. I may love my students and co workers, but I love my family more. I love my time with them more. And for that, I am unapologetic and thankful.
quod gratia non dolet